My second late husband, Tom, and I used to enjoy watching Dave Letterman together. I loved to hear him laugh hard at Dave’s jokes. Like, for instance, when Dave would call Dr. Phil “a hump.”
Don’t get me wrong, Tom liked Dr. Phil. We would even get into watching his show if we were home together to see it. He just thought the word choice – hump – and the thought of Dave getting away with saying it was funny.
That’s because it is.
Seriously though, I came across some advice that Dr. Phil has for getting through the devastating, crippling days (or months) after a loss, to which he adds, “We all seem to survive it.”
I did and I am again.
Now I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “You are so strong.” It is a statement that I don’t even know how to take sometimes. I didn’t feel like I was strong. I broke down a lot. I sometimes felt as if I would rather die than feel the pain of his loss one more day. As time goes on, though, you begin to acknowledge the sadness but find something happy about the moment.
So, Dr. Phil is correct, you get through it, and while I don’t wish the pain of a loss on anyone, it is inevitable, but you can begin to go on with your life again. Grieving just takes time.
Personally, I have found comfort in the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson:
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
It is through the message of these words that I am able to begin to celebrate the life of the person who is now gone, the person who made me laugh when he laughed. The person who still makes me laugh when I think about Dr. Phil aka The Hump. With this, I realize just how lucky I really am to have experienced not only laughter with both my husbands, but also the love I shared with each.